Small talk: conversations in the car

A family with four children smiles while taking a rural automobile trip in a convertible, 1960s. (Photo by Lambert/Getty Images)

(Photo by Lambert/Getty Images)

For my small brood, the car is the place where the fat gets chewed, the day dissected, the mysteries of the universe solved – it’s the place where deep, philosophical discussions take place. As deep as a discussion between a 4 year and a 39 year old (with a 2 year old repeating every other word) can get. I’ve been noting these conversations for the past fews weeks,  with examples from friends, and now have a definitive list of just some of these highly-charged, intellectual debates.

  1. On the way to pre-school: “Mummy, why is your face all cracked like an egg?”
  2. On the way home from pre-school at Easter: “I’m so sad, did you know that Jesus died on a hot cross bun?”
  3. On the way back from a playdate: “Mummy you can’t walk to heaven can you? It’s much too far away, it’s near the sun and next to Disney Land I think.”
  4. On the way to a party (as chauffeur): “I wish you were taking me to the party today instead of daddy, I don’t like it when he talks to all the ladies.”
  5. On the way to the dentist: “Mummy, I’ve decided to stop f*cking my thumb.”
  6. Whilst stuck in traffic on the high street: “Can you PLEASE buy me a Unicorn from the pet shop?”
  7. On the way home from the park: “Do you know what I hate most about snails? The testicles poking out of their head.”
  8. On the way to a pub for tea: “Mummy, I would like Bambi and chips for tea” er “Do you mean Scampi & chips?”
  9. On the way to a picnic discussing the subject of nits: “Did you know, I have small creatures living in my hair?”
  10. On holiday listening to the sounds of Greek wildlife: “Ooh, they are just like Jeremy Cricket from Pinnochhio, he’s my favourite.”
  11. On the way to the supermarket: “Mummy, what does Father Christmas do when he needs a wee?”
  12. On the way out after a TV watching morning: “mummy, you know Kerry from CBeebies only has one arm? Do you think someone else is wearing her other one today?”
  13. Whilst driving past fields containing sheep & explaining concept of sheep shearing & wool: “Muuuum, so basically a lady takes the wool from the sheep, and then knits them all hats and jumpers to stay warm?”
  14. On the way home from the aquarium: “Daddy, how do sharks do wees?”
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